


when your not-exactly-a-roommate brings a child home, that’s your kid now

by Anonymous



Series: of endermen and snow [3]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Accidental Child Acquisition, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Found Family, Gen, LITERALLY, PETITION TO GIVE EDWARD A CHARACTER TAG, Self-Indulgent, Sign Language, Surprise Adoption, accidental roommate acquisition, anyway, because idk what they are and i just want my fluff oaky, edward has melanism, edward is mute, hand waving government regulations about adoptions, it's a surprise for everyone, it's their personas but irl i guess, just pretend it happens at some point, okay, or ranboo in this case, platonic coparenting, that's what this is, they just find them, who is canon? never met her
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 03:47:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28736718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: The main problem, he thinks, is that Edward keeps bringing home strays. Grumpy cats covered in mud, half-feral dogs, tiny birds with missing feathers… Just any hard-done-by animal that looks pitiful enough that Edward feels the urge to take care of them, probably.That thought abruptly reminds Techno of how Edward’s first impression of him was a fresh-out-of-high-school kid almost passed out in the dorm’s common area with three empty coffee cups and a half-drunk pack of energy drinks surrounding him. And then the man immediately dragged him to his dorm and made him eat a real meal before basically babysitting him until he took a nap.Yeah, that fits with the pattern.
Relationships: Philza & Edward, Ranboo & Edward, Ranboo & Technoblade & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Technoblade & Edward, Technoblade & Phil Watson
Series: of endermen and snow [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2100597
Comments: 184
Kudos: 1329
Collections: Anonymous





	1. sometimes you don't choose your roommates

**Author's Note:**

> What do you mean you've never accidentally gotten a roommate who then brings home a random child who you and your new roommate and your other roommate then basically adopt? It happens all the time.
> 
> Also these are mostly just loosely-connected one-shots, not actually a coherent story. I don't wanna make a plot for that. This is just foudn family and fluff and if there is angst it will merely be the hurt to precede the comfort in a hurt/comfort dynamic.

Even though Techno had dropped out of college a while ago, abandoning his english degree to buy a house with Phil, Edward has still stuck around. Techno never really figured out how they became friends, either. They had a class together once, he thinks, and then the melanistic mute had started hanging around his dorm room between classes, to the point where he might as well live there himself. 

As Techno stands in the doorway of the “guest” room, he feels both comforted and irritated by the fact that hasn’t changed much over the past six months. 

At least a mysteriously appearing amount of money has been showing up in his bank account since the room has looked like it has a resident, so he doesn’t have to worry about exacting rent. He does wonder why he doesn’t just stay at the dorms, though. It would probably be easier to commute to his, what, psychology and anthropology classes? Weird combination, but Techno dropped out of English so he’ll give the guy kudos for sticking with it, at least.

The main problem, he thinks, is that Edward keeps bringing home strays. Grumpy cats covered in mud, half-feral dogs, tiny birds with missing feathers… Just any hard-done-by animal that looks pitiful enough that Edward feels the urge to take care of them, probably.

That thought abruptly reminds Techno of how Edward’s first impression of him was a fresh-out-of-high-school kid almost passed out in the dorm’s common area with three empty coffee cups and a half-drunk pack of energy drinks surrounding him. And then the man immediately dragged him to his dorm and made him eat a real meal before basically babysitting him until he took a nap.

Yeah, that fits with the pattern.

Though… Techno wonders what Phil thinks of their new “roommate.” Probably glad for the help paying off the mortgage or something. And he’d always been glad enough to have Edward show up randomly before the man unofficially-officially moved in. Though that might possibly be because Techno doesn’t have any other friends and his oldest friend is worried about him, but he digresses. The fact of the matter is they accidentally acquired a roommate, and he should make sure his actual roommate is okay with that.

Tracking down Phil isn’t that difficult, considering the man doesn’t need to leave the house for his work. What his work is, Techno has never bothered to ask, but he doesn’t mind having the man always within contact. Like right now, for instance, when he knocks on the man’s door before entering anyway with a monotone, “So we have another roommate.”

Phil hums, tapping out a few more words on his computer before spinning his chair around to face the younger man. “Yep, appears so. Edward, right?”

“That’s him.” Techno leans on the back of his friend’s chair with crossed arms, resting his chin on the top of his head. “You don’t mind him sticking around, right? I don’t think we’re getting rid of him now.”

“I mean, that’s how you became friends with me, sooo…” Phil shrugs and turns back to his screen, dislodging Techno from his comfortable perch as he does. “It’d be kinda hypocritical of me to turn him out, yeah?”

Scratching the underside of his chin thoughtfully, Techno frowns. “Should we like, make an official contract or something? Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do when you rent out a room?”

“Mate, how am I supposed to know?” He chuckles and nods towards the door. “What, worried he’ll trash the place and disappear?”

What an absolutely absurd notion. Techno’s more likely to trash his own place than Edward.

“At least he doesn’t keep all the animals,” Phil comments absently, his focus slowly returning to his work. “The day he doesn’t bring one of his strays to a shelter is the day things are going to get complicated.”

Ah, yes. Phil just had to jinx them, didn’t he?


	2. that time when your “roommate” picks up a kid on the side of the road and then suddenly you’re a dad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There’s a kid sitting in the living room. A sad, soaking wet, shivering kid, who is staring at Techno with wide, fearful eyes and clutching his legs to his chest as if that will make all his gangling limbs smaller. There’s a towel around his shoulders and an untouched bowl of tomato soup on the floor next to him.
> 
> This is Edward’s doing. Techno can sense it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there is one particular part of the current canon that I am electing to ignore indefinitely. I'm like Ghostbur while Phil promises Friend has infinite canon lives, except it's a particular enderman instead of a sheep. also, llama impersonators are not welcome here.

There’s a kid sitting in the living room. A sad, soaking wet, shivering kid, who is staring at Techno with wide, fearful eyes and clutching his legs to his chest as if that will make all his gangling limbs smaller. There’s a towel around his shoulders and an untouched bowl of tomato soup on the floor next to him.

This is Edward’s doing. Techno can sense it.

Since when did his “taking in strays” thing extend to kids?

Phil definitely jinxed them.

And Techno’s been standing here for over a minute staring at the kid who’s still curled up on the floor and watching him warily, barely breathing. He should probably do something about that. 

He starts by lowering himself to the floor, making himself smaller and less threatening and easier to run from. He’s had, uh… experience, let’s say, with foundling children. Personal experience. He may joke about terrorizing orphans but… well, he’s not a horrible person, he likes to think, or a hypocrite, so he’s going to save the light bullying for when the kid feels more comfortable and less like something terrible will inevitably happen because of his current position as life’s punching bag. An evaluation that is entirely hypothetical and not at all directly derived from Techno’s own childhood, clearly.

The kid loosens his grip on his —are those suit pants?— slightly, blinking heterochromatic eyes straight out of a christmas card at him in confusion. 

“Hey,” the man greets, voice low. He leans back on his hands to seem more relaxed. “I’m Techno. Did Edward invite you in?”

A single nod is the only answer he gets which, okay, understandable. He’s just some random guy who walked in and the kid already looks scared out of his skin so he’s probably not up to much talking. Techno just kinda maybe a little bit wants some answers as to  _ why there is a dripping kid in his living room. _

Which is the perfect time for Edward to step back into the room, a folded stack of clothes in one arm and a thick, fluffy blanket draped over the other. He nods to Techno in greeting, as casual as you’d like, and immediately dismisses him as he turns back to the kid, coaxing him up and towards the bathroom to get dried off and dressed into something warmer than —yeah, that’s definitely a suit. Why is a kid out alone in the rain wearing a suit?

As Techno tends to do when he has absolutely zero clue as to how to approach a situation, he goes and finds Phil. This time he doesn’t even bother knocking, just bursting into the office and startling his friend out of his chair. “Phil, Edward’s brought a kid home this time. Phil. Phil what do I do, he’s so small. I am not equipped for this.”

Phil pushes himself up from the floor, staring incredulously up at Techno. “He’s what?!”

  
“He brought a kid home.” Techno repeats, panic slowly growing in his tone. “One of his strays. Phil, you jinxed us. I blame you. Phil, what do I do, there is a kid in the house that our not-roommate just  _ brought home _ and he’s soaking wet and miserable and oh god where are his parents where did Edward find him—”

“Techno!” The older man grips his shoulders firmly, silencing him with a look. “Calm down, mate. Breathe. We can deal with this.”

At his friend’s instruction, he takes a deep breath. “Alright. Yeah. We can… somehow figure out how to deal with Edward bringing a random kid home. There’s gotta be an explanation.”

  
Hopefully an explanation beyond,  _ he looked sad and alone and like he needed somewhere warm to stay. _

Because if that's the answer, well... Techno can, unfortunately, relate, and he doesn't think he'd have the heart to kick the kid out after that.


	3. welcome to the not-really-but-might-as-well-be-a-family, new sad child

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edward stares down at them both forlornly, hands hovering in front of him to sign, _he looked sad and alone and like he needed somewhere warm to stay._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have decided I'm going to camp in the very specific moment of time during canon between Phil finding Ranboo and like, before the disc in the big hole. That period of time is the only canon I will acknowledge. And maybe the arson road trip with Techno. Possibly.
> 
> I just don't need more sad, you guys. I need my comfort. I need the found family out in the snow with the awkward but nice interactions and dynamics. Please.

The three of them are standing in the living room, the new kid all bundled up in too-big pajamas in Edward’s bed and hopefully asleep. Techno’s hands are on his hips, waiting for his explanation and hoping it’s poor enough that he can kick the kid out without remorse.

Edward stares down at them both forlornly, hands hovering in front of him to sign,  _ he looked sad and alone and like he needed somewhere warm to stay. _

Curse Techno and his empathy that he would rather deny but in this  _ very specific situation _ physically cannot without feeling ill. Damn it. He jinxed himself this time, can’t even blame it on his friend.

Phil chuckles behind him, resting a hand on his shoulder in support. Techno allows himself the brief hope that he’ll be offered an out before the man smiles and says, “We still have another spare room, y’know.”

Curse Techno’s traitor of a friend. But of course this is his answer, he adopts strays almost more often than Edward brings them home. Just… people strays. Ones who Techno happens to get attached to, unfortunately. Ones who leave. 

(Techno still hasn’t forgiven Tommy or Wilbur, and doesn’t particularly want to think about if he ever will. Not even a phone call or a text or a letter. Just told Phil they were leaving one day, to “start a nation,” whatever that means, and dropped off the face of the earth. Techno doesn’t know if it’s the lack of contact that’s bothering him, the fact that they might have abandoned him and Phil, or that something might be seriously wrong and they’ll never know. Not that it’s any of Techno’s business, not anymore. Those two made sure of that.

Even still, as much as Techno would deny it to his dying breath, he’s a sucker for the kinds of kids who need somebody to lean on.) 

With a put upon sigh to disguise how easily he’s caving, Techno crosses his arms. “Fine, I suppose he can stay. Don’t expect me to clean up after him or whatever though, alright? Your stray, your responsibility.”

Edward nods enthusiastically in agreement and strides over to peer through the half-open door of his room to check on the sleeping kid.

“Do you even know the kid’s name?” he asks, curious despite himself as he grabs his book off a side table and settles on the couch, figuratively abandoning the conversation.

With another nod, the tall man finger-spells,  _ r-a-n-b-o-o _ .

“Ranboo?” he voices, just to be sure. He wrinkles his nose when Edward confirms. “Weird name.”

His not-roommate snorts and emphasises the pink-haired man’s sign name,  _ Technoblade. _ Or, in a more literal translation,  _ Blood God _ . He’ll never understand why the mute assigned him that name, and probably will never understand the other’s sense of humor either, but if he’s honest with himself (something he might not be often, but eh) he doesn’t mind it.

Still, the man has a point, Technoblade isn’t really a normal name. Doesn’t mean Ranboo isn’t an odd name though.

“Weird name or not.” Techno flips open the book to his current page. “I’m not helping with the kid. He can stay, but he’s yours to deal with. Make sure to keep him out of my stuff.”

And in Techno’s opinion, that should be that. 

Ha. He really should remember, plans never survive contact with the enemy. Or in this case, peace never survives contact with a traumatized child who was found on the side of the road in the rain. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is having more plot and inter-chapter-connectedness than I was first planning but eh. It works.


	4. not sick? have some soup

What normally occurs when a traumatized, stress-out teen is left out in the cold, wet rain for an indefinite amount of time, is this: a fever, the sniffles, a bit of a sore throat… in other words, they get sick. Of course, this is a _traumatized, stress-out_ teen who was _left out_ in the rain, which means they don’t trust adult figures to take care of them, and possibly even think that showing weakness would get them into trouble.

Techno first notices when the kid is sleeping (he totally isn’t looking after the kid and making sure he’s settling in okay-- no, not at all). Ranboo shivers lightly under his borrowed blankets, and his face is damp from cold sweat. Wrinkled in discomfort and pain, his button nose sniffles every so often, hinting at the oncoming sneeze. His head is overly hot-- not that Techno checked. 

Cause he didn’t.

He also definitely does not look up a recipe for chicken noodle soup, nor does he start to make it. That would be a ridiculous assumption, and one that would be untrue and in need of correction. If Phil somehow ends up wandering into the kitchen and taking over, that’s because he was making it in the first place, and Technoblade has absolutely nothing ( _nothing_ ) to do with it. If Edward leans (or, rather, stoops) fondly in the doorway and gives him a somewhat creepy knowing smile, then that’s because he’s among the conspiracy theorists that believe that Technoblade has a heart. 

When he finally admits to himself that he’s soft, he’s already bringing more blankets and a cold cloth for their new stray. Not that it helps or hinders much-- but it hurts his reputation, y’know?

The kid’s awake when he enters the room, so he makes sure to posture himself smaller and less intimidating, keeping his expression the least deadpan that he can manage. He slowly approaches the kid, who is struggling to sit up on Edward’s slightly-too-cushioned bed with an expression of panic and wariness on his face. 

“Hallo,” Techno says. He doesn’t attempt to smile, since he knows that it will come out strained and manic if he does. “Got you a cold cloth for your fever, and some blankets if you need them. Y’should probably lie back down; get some more rest, if yeh can.”

Ranboo violently shakes his head, then squeezes his eyes shut as if fighting back dizziness and pain. He waves his hands about as if to say, ‘I’m fine,’ or possibly, ‘There’s wind in here.’ 

Living with a mute melanistic man, Techno knows it could be either. 

“I’ll get you a pen and paper,” he tells the boy, who panics even more at his words. He’s not swayed in the least. “I need to be able to communicate with you-- so unless you know sign language, I’m going to get you something to write with.”

Ranboo peeks out from under his lashes, half-propped on the bed with his bangs slicked to his forehead. One hand lifts, wobbly, and signs, _You don’t mind?_

“Don’t mind what?” He drops the blankets gently at the foot of the bed, which is not far from where the kid’s feet are. He never thought he’d see the day that someone is almost as tall as Edward-- and a kid, at that.

_Me not talking, me taking up space, me_ \-- At this point, the signs get sloppy and fast, too fast for Techno to pick anything up but a few words here and there. Edward could keep up, if he was here, but Techno will just have to make do without him for now.

“Nah,” he says in his typical way. “Edward’s mute-- so what if you are? As for taking up space… well, if it’s not my room then it’s not my problem.” He hands the dumbstruck kid the cold cloth, which is getting warmer by the second. “Put that on your forehead.”

He waves it away numbly. _I’m not sick._

The pink-haired man shrugs, puts the cloth on the bedside table. “Suuuure yeh aren’t. Phil’s coming with soup,” is the last thing he says before he walks out the door. If the kid refuses his help, he can’t do anything about it. He’ll let Phil and Edward deal with it.

After all, he’s not attached to this kid _in the slightest._

Yeh hear? _NOT IN THE SLIGHTEST._


	5. not sick pt 2; don’t throw up on my floor

The next morning, Techno walks into the living room only to see Ranboo, sweeping the floor with shaking hands. 

The kid is practically passing out on his feet. He stumbles every so often, swaying, leaning precariously on the broom handle, then continues sweeping. His face is paler than snow, and his eyelids flutter as if they’d rather be closed, but he stubbornly keeps them open.

When he notices Technoblade’s presence, he sweeps even more deliberately, briefly signing with one hand,  _ Thanks for letting me stay _ .

Not bothering to respond, Techno marches over and wrenches the broom from Ranboo’s grasp. “What do you think you’re doing?”

The boy blinks rapidly and staggers backwards. The fear in his eyes does  _ not _ bother Techno in the slightest.  _ Sweeping? _ he signs with a choked hum, the first sound Techno has heard from him thus far. 

“No, you’re not. You’re supposed to be in bed and recovering! I don’t want a sick child dribbling snot all over my floor, thank you very much.” Techno gently grabs the kid’s sleeve, tugging him out of the living room. “Holler at Phil if you need anything.” He lowers his voice to a gravelly register and leans in, as if telling a secret. “That old man’s so soft he’d probably lick your boots if you sobbed pitifully enough.”

_ But… but I don’t want to bother you!  _ he protests, barely keeping upright as he leans against the doorway of his temporary abode, lanky limbs creaking ominously.

“You’re bothering me by not wanting to bother me,” the blade grumbles. “You’re practically falling asleep on your feet! At this rate, you’ll be passed out in the living room and in the way instead of in your room and out of the way.”

He seems to think about this for a second.  _ Fair, fair, _ he signs sloppily. His movements are becoming even more sluggish, even more clumsy-- yet the kid makes no move towards the bed.  _ I’m not sick, though. Just tired. Not sick. _

Technoblade sighs long-sufferingly. “You’re sick. You’ll be  _ less _ sick if you get some rest.”

_ I’m not sick! _

He purses his lips and looks the stubborn boy up and down. Yup, still pale and sickly. “Mhmm.”

_ You don’t have to look after me, really, _ he insisted.  _ I’ll be out of your hair in a day, tops. I appreciate you guys letting me sleep the night but-- _

Techno holds up a hand, pinching the bridge of his nose with his other. This is why he doesn’t associate himself with children. They’re too… child-like. He squints dubiously at the boy, sighing again. He doesn’t know what to do in this situation, personal experience or not.

“I’m not going to kick you out,” he says slowly. “Neither is Edward or Phil. We do not feel obligated to look after you, we are looking after you ‘cause you were sopping wet and abandoned on the street-- you were bound to get sick. Edward has a bleedin’ heart and so does Phil. If you left in this state then they’d probably feel guilty about it. Do you want them to feel guilty about it?”

_ No. _

“Then get some rest,” he orders, as gently as someone like him can. “If you get better in the next few days, we’ll go out to get you some clothes that aren’t tattered.”

Ranboo startles at that, teetering violently to the side only to be caught by Techno’s steadying hand. He flinches from that, too, but it’s not enough to send him careening. Techno carefully takes away his hand.  _ You don’t have to buy anything-- _

“Just stop,” the man grunts. “Phil will do it whether you or I like it or not.” He points to the bed. “Sleep.”

The boy hums noncommittally but staggers to the bed and leans precariously against it.  _ I’ll talk to Phil about it, then _ , he signs.

Techno snorts. “Good luck.”


End file.
